The Mad Libs Five-Year Plan*

Screw setting actual goals and then feeling like crap when you inevitably fall short of societally-endorsed benchmarks of mainstream heteronormative success. We’ve got your five-year plan right here, baby! Let Mad Libs chart your course over the next half decade. Print it out and play with your friends! Tape the results to your fridge door for handy future reference.

Photo by katiescrapbooklady

Don’t have friends? Play solo by completing the following list and plugging the words into the plan template. Try not to feel sad that you’re not only utterly alone, but also leaving your future up to the dictates of a children’s word game.

1. current age + five years

2. adjective beginning with the letter H

3. adjective beginning with the letter P

4. best drunken compliment you’ve ever received

5. adverb

6. verb in the past tense

7. overused business jargon noun

8. reaction in noun form upon seeing facebook pictures of your high school nemesis’s new yacht

9.  pick a number 1 through 5 and then refer to the legend below

10. flip a coin – heads = success tails =  failure

11. most far-flung place to which you’d have currently enough money in your bank account to buy a plane ticket

12. best way to spend a Sunday afternoon

13. last person who texted you

14. habit your mother nags you about most often

15. stupidest New Year’s resolution you’ve made

16. characteristic of ideal pet

17. number of times you hit the snooze button on a Monday morning

In five years, I will be (current age + five years). I will also be (adjective beginning with letter H), (adjective beginning with letter P) and (best drunken compliment you’ve ever received). I will have (adverb) (verb in the past tense) the (most overused business jargon noun) to the widespread (reaction in noun form upon seeing facebook pictures of your high school nemesis’s new yacht) of my peers. If I have not ( pick a number 1 through 5 and then refer to legend below), I will consider myself a (flip coin – heads = success tails = failure). I also plan to travel to (most far-flung place to which you’d currently have enough money in your bank account to buy a plane ticket) to (best way to spend a Sunday afternoon) with (last person who texted you).

I will have stopped (habit your mother nags you about most often) and started (stupidest New Year’s resolution you’ve made). I will have increased my (characteristic of the ideal pet) (number of times you hit the snooze button on a Monday morning)-fold.

Done!

Legend

1- contracted herpes
2 – gotten a promotion
3- stopped sleeping with a nightlight on
4- met The One, gotten engaged, married and planned the timing to conceive our first through third borns
5- died

*Stalin-approved!