Success and Self-Denial: Why It’s Okay To Eat The Damn Ice Cream

New York Magazine runs a regular feature on the food diary of a celebrity/public figure/whoever they can round up. Last week’s happened to be Mika Brzezinski, co-host of Morning Joe.  I can’t remember where I stumbled upon a link to the rundown of her recent eating habits, but after reading it, I felt compelled to share it on Twitter, where it provoked quite a discussion about the implications of her diet and the terms in which she chose to discuss it.

Photo by anitasarkeesian

Laying aside the disturbing physical and psychological implications of subsisting on granola bars and Starbucks coffee while working 18-hour days and taking frequent five-mile runs, it was the language that she used to frame her consumption of a scoop of gelato that really struck me. She claimed that she was now at a weight where she could “afford” to have this indulgence, but had to be mindful that it was a one-shot deal.

Her mindset is all too common and it extends beyond eating habits to the idea  that until we’ve satisfied X prerequisite, we should avoid Y. Dating can wait until we get the career stuff sorted out. Why bother with a new sofa if you’re still stuck in this lousy apartment? And forget sprucing up your wardrobe for at least another 20 lbs. I call it motivation by deprivation and it doesn’t work. Oh, if I just keep holding my breath, think about how much more I’ll appreciate that oxygen when I finally allow myself to inhale. See how silly that sounds? How are you going to appreciate it if you’re lying on the ground blue-faced and unconscious?

There is a moralistic undertone to this line of thinking, of course. Only successful people have earned enjoyment.  Happiness or “indulgence” (please don’t get me started on this word or we’ll never stop) is the prize for exhibiting self-control, will power, or superhuman hustle. To enjoy in the here and now would be unseemly. We’ve haven’t done enough, been enough, sacrificed enough to warrant it. There will be time for that when we’ve finally gotten everything else squared away (hint: that will happen at just about half-past never).  We pride ourselves on our ability to multi-task, but can’t wrap our brains around the idea we can balance contentment in some facets of our lives with striving or yearning in other aspects.  But it’s not an all or nothing game and blanket self-denial and austerity isn’t the character-building path to future success (especially if you’d actually like to retain the capacity to appreciate said success).

Framing the present as a trial to be endured and holding out happiness or self-care as a reward instead of an integral element of your current existence and something you have the absolute right to experience doesn’t push you to work harder, it simply makes you miserable and robs you of the capacity to unreservedly savor something as basic as a bowl of ice cream.