How To Manage A Short Fuse: A Sanity-Saving Guide

Dear JMH,

I’ve been reading GenMeh for a while and I get the idea  that you might be a good one to ask about this. I feel like everyone in the world is on a mission to annoy me all the time. Coworkers, friends, family, even random strangers.  I know that everyone has their quirks, but how can I stop taking stuff so personally? Is it normal to want to trip someone for taking too long to go through a revolving door?  Okay, that sounds bad… Maybe I need anger management therapy or something.

Help? Please?

-Permanently pissed off

I’d like to assume that you’re asking me because even though the Dalai Lama and I possess equal measures of zen tranquility, he charges $500/hour for the same advice I’d give you for free. Or maybe it’s because I’ve admitted to keeping a running tally of character traits that set me off? Believe it or not, I’m actually not openly rude, mean or hostile. In fact, I’ve been called sweet. On more than one occasion. I can even furnish written proof if anyone has doubts.

Moving on. Regardless of my pissy pedigree, what you really came here for was practical guidance on how not to fly off the handle or silently stew over the slights that come your way. To that end:

Photo by Fabio Trifoni

How To Manage A Short Fuse: A Sanity-Saving Guide

Own it. Some people are sensitive to cold, some are sensitive to loud noises and some are sensitive to what they perceive as interpersonal irritations. C’est la vie. So unless you’re acting on this peevishness and actually following through with the tripping, let go of the guilt. Everyone, no matter how saintly, harbors uncharitable thoughts from time to time. It’s when you let those thoughts lead you to lashing out at/hurting others or when you mentally fixate on them and let them eat at you and/or interfere with your overall happiness and well-being that there’s the potential for problems. Otherwise, fantasizing about repeatedly braining your downstairs neighbor (the one who practices his bass at 11:30 PM) with a Nerf bat is completely normal.

Realize that some things won’t change. Those are typically the things that have nothing to do with you. Julie three cubicles over has a laugh like a spray of bullets from an AK-47. She will always have a laugh like a spray of bullets from an AK-47. It isn’t a pleasant sound, but she can’t help it and she doesn’t laugh that way simply to get under your skin. Catalogue your most frequent grievances and figure out which of them are just you taking other people’s idiosyncrasies too personally. You’re going to have to let those ones go. They aren’t directed at you and continuing to get bent out of shape over them will only fuel a persecution complex.

Recognize your part in the annoyance and work to eliminate it. Perhaps it sets your teeth on edge when your friends come to you for advice and then blithely disregard the wise counsel you’ve so thoughtfully provided. Perhaps they’ve been doing this for years and you keep indulging their requests. They are not going to change now, so you need to. If it bothers you to make the effort and have your words fall on deaf ears, stop making the effort. Sure, you will feel like a jerk for a while (you already feel like one, so no change there), but it will be short-term pain for the long-term gain of not having to play amateur shrink/walking encyclopedia/Oracle of Delphi for folks who aren’t really appreciative.  Do not keep stoking your own irritation (sounds dirty, I know) by actively participating in avoidable scenarios in which you already know the outcome and how much said outcome will set your internal rage-o-meter skyrocketing.