Let's Talk About Sex, But In The Least Titillating Way Possible

We were discussing famous feminists recently and a friend couldn’t believe that I’d never heard of Betty Dodson.  A quick Google rectified that, as did watching and listening to several of the artist/author/sex activist’s videos and podcasts to which my friend insisted on sending me links. While a fair chunk of Dr. Dodson’s writing, commentary and banter with business partner Carlin Ross shades a  tad unvarnished for PG-rated sensibilities, there’s something inarguably awesome and life affirming about a vibrant octogenarian frankly encouraging women to get in touch with and assert their sexuality.  And once the shock value wore off, I could clearly see the universalist application in her oft-repeated exhortation to “get on top and run the f*ck.”  After Tuesday’s Hate To Break It To You and my recent post about vision boards, I was again reminded of Dr. Dodson’s philosophy and thought it deserved a special mention.

Photo by vk-red

While perhaps a little crudely phrased, there’s no denying that this advice is A) applicable to both sexes and B) has definite currency outside the bedroom,  if only because so many of us are doing exactly the opposite when it comes to running our lives – ceding control and simply passively lying there waiting for some other power to bring us the pleasure and happiness we crave. But why?  Is it simply habit, lassitude  or the genuine belief that we don’t have the capacity to exert that type of control over our own futures? Believing otherwise is understandably daunting.  If we have the capacity to create our own happiness (i.e.,  run the f*ck), well, the fact that we’re not happy is directly attributable to our own efforts (or lack thereof) as well.  Not to mention the unseemliness of putting in an effort.  If someone or something was meant to be, shouldn’t it come easy?  Shouldn’t it just fall together? Having to work for what we want acknowledges that we have goals and ambitions and acknowledging that we have goals and ambitions means that we have to acknowledge that we might not achieve them.  Uh oh. While I’m the first one to roll my eyes at the latter day Alex P. Keatons who seem to be multiplying at an alarming rate amongst early twentysomethings and whose career tips blogs are addictively blood pressure spiking in their  How to Manage Your Middle-Aged Manager earnestness, effort itself (especially when honestly applied in service of your own particular vision of success) is not the enemy.  Just because it doesn’t come easy, does that really mean it (you) shouldn’t come at all? Please. Happily ever after involves getting our hands dirty and breaking a sweat. Don’t let Disney tell you otherwise. Real life and real relationships have a hell of lot more in common with Groundhog Day than Cinderella, ya dig?

Dr. Dodson  advises her readers and viewers to acknowledge and  take ownership of their own sexual nature– you are responsible for discovering what brings you pleasure, pursuing it and educating others with whom you share this part of your life as to your desires and needs.  Waiting around for someone else to flip your metaphorical switch (sexual or otherwise) is a weak and timid way to live. And while  my feminism may lean more to the traditional liberal model than the clitorocentric, the good Doctor and I can unequivocally agree  that when it comes to getting a grip on your life and ambitions, the choice between sacking up and running the f*ck and just running the f*ck away is absolutely clear.