Rejected Resolutions

2011 January 5

Grow my hair into a long, flowing mane
Rejected because: People would just mistake it for a wig, anyway. Again.

Don’t yell at my parents’ dog when I visit

Rejected because: Yelling is the only way to be heard over the barking.

Photo by Stepheye

Get fragrance named after me. Refer to it as my “signature scent

Rejected because: Bad track record. Every perfume that I’ve ever liked has been discontinued, save for the Body Shop’s White Musk.

Smile more
Rejected because: Like I’m gonna encourage premature wrinkles. I don’t think so.

Date more
Rejected because: Sounds pretty labor intensive.  Also,  increased risk of wrinkles (see above).

Go raw

Rejected because: It’s winter. Also, as much I like the idea of making my own vegetable chips, am scared of the mandoline.

Embrace skinny jeans
Rejected because: I don’t care if it’s fashionable, I don’t like looking like Peter Pan.

Devote more energy to marketing self in social media space, including pitching guest posts on prominent blogs, commenting on others’ posts, participating in e-seminars, etc.

Rejected because: As if. Giving away your labor for only the promise of exposure is a total bush league move. Warm fuzzy feelings don’t pay the bills or advance a career, kiddos.

Wear dental retainer more than three nights a week

Rejected because: This one I’m keeping.

Sell out
Rejected because: Yep, this one is a keeper, too.

So, what won’t you be doing in 2011? Let me know in the comments.

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7 Responses
  1. 2011 January 6
    Coggie permalink

    What I WON’T be doing in 2011:

    -Be a more positive, uplifting influence on others!
    -Be more ambitious. Bills don’t pay themselves.
    -Be kinder to those less fortunate and more stupid. (It’s more fun to make fun of them on FB.)
    -Be a vegan. Sorry, M. I like chicken too much.

  2. 2011 January 6
    Maverika permalink

    What i wont be doing in 2011:
    -Cursing my job
    -Worrying about money
    -feeling like life is unfair to me
    -putting up a brave front
    -saving the world
    -pretending that i have it all under control

  3. 2011 January 6
    Kristin Ross permalink

    Skinny Jeans are on the way out, so you’re actually quite fashion-forward.

  4. 2011 January 6
    Anonymous permalink

    Praise jeebus! The leggings + oversized top trend takes me back to elementary school. Those were dark days. I’d rather skip the fashion PSTD if possible.

  5. 2011 January 6
    Anonymous permalink

    In my mind, overcoming the saving the world impulse is one of the true markers of growing into an adult. So much easier said than done, of course!

  6. 2011 January 6
    Anonymous permalink

    *insert obligatory baby chick photo here*

  7. 2011 January 7

    Dude, I need a thumbnail-profile picture. I look like an unsub here.